


Big Brother -- Gods edition

by Edgy



Category: SMITE (Video Game)
Genre: Big Brother AU, Big Brother crossover, F/F, F/M, Lmao I came up with this with my friend at three am on a tuesday, Lmao what is this, M/M, This is so shitty, this started off as satire but I'm really invested in it now
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-15
Updated: 2016-12-17
Packaged: 2018-09-08 16:20:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8851756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Edgy/pseuds/Edgy
Summary: Lmao guys. What if the gods from smite were in the big brother house and were actually competing and they were really petty and really ooc.





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> Lmao this is so fucking shitty I love it. It started off as satire but now it's just a crack fic. Honestly I still love this so much. This honestly just started off with me talking with my friend about which person the gods would be on Big Brother. How did it end up like this???

“Welcome gods, goddesses, peasants, and nobles this show has been requested by many and awaited for long. Big Brother; Gods edition. Where twelve gods will be competing for a chance to win 500,000 gems, and the title of ultimate god.” Neith’s sweet voice filled the small studio room. The small live audience cheered as soon as Neith stopped talking and they could see the first contestant walking onto the stage. “The first contestant is Apollo, the first god to ever come out as openly gay! And by gay, I mean really, really, really gay.”

 

As Apollo walked off the stage and over to the door that lead to the house. The next contestant walked up onto the stage like she thought she was hot shit. “Our next contestant is Bastet, she’s the girl you wished you dated in high school and the girl and you still wish you were dating.” Neith read of the cue card that Bastet had given her prior to the filming and grimaced at the terrible, terrible introduction. Neith sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose as Bastet blew kisses into an unamused crowd. Bastet finally walked off stage and the next contestant gracefully walked onto stage. At least she looked more promising than the second contestant, though Neither had already been told what she’s like before and knows it's not entirely true. 

 

“Next up, Chang’e! A lady of few words, but don't let that fool you, she still has a lot to say about you, and it won't all be nice.” Neith was really starting to hate her job by this point. At least she actually got to use the summary she wrote instead of some trashy one the actual contestant wrote. Chang’e rabbit was in her small purse and look like it was suffocating and dying to get out and actually walk on it's own. Chang’e gave a small quirky wave to the crowd and gracefully skipped off over to the door. The next contestant started sheepishly walking over to the stage smiling brightly at the crowd as she did so. 

 

“Our fourth contestant is Hel, the incredibly bipolar girl who has mood swings at the drop of a hat! Won't that be fun to deal with.” Neith’s prayer went out to the other contestants who had to deal with her mood changes for the entirety of her stay there. Hel continued to just stand there awkwardly until the next contestant literally pushed her off the stage. Hel made an extremely dramatic fall as she joined the group waiting to enter the house. A very smug guy walked up to the stage and winked at the crowd, giving them a smile full of white teeth that could legally blind someone and it probably blinded half the crowd, especially since they were shining lights on him. 

 

“The next contestant we have is Hercules, a guy who spends all his time at the gym, looking at himself in the mirror, and eating protein powder.” Neith gave a very fitting introduction and the man didn't seem to mind it, that or he didn't notice it was more than slightly condescending. He kept smiling widely as he walked over to the door, Neith assumed he thought it was some sort of ‘lady killer’ or something else that a dumb gym gremlin would say. The next contestant was sort of a mix of edgy and middle aged mother. She walked up onto the stage, looking absolutely dead inside and like she really would rather be anywhere else. 

 

“Next we have Izanami, a beautiful young lady with a morbid sense of humour and homicidal tendencies.” Neith announced the semi-emo lady as she stood on the stage. The lowkey-emo’s face lit up into a satisfied smirk while Neith was talking about her morbid humour and tendencies to threaten to murder a lot of people. By the looks of the crowd, that smirk could be used to both intimidate and oddly intrigue people. It could be quite useful to use it for the purpose of manipulating other housemates. She let a few strands of her hair fall into the middle of her face, slightly covering her eye as she walked over to the door. The next contestant walked rather quickly up to the stage and smiled at the crowd, giving them a thumbs-up as he waited for Neith to introduce him. 

 

“Our next contestant is Mercury. Who loves the ladies, but probably also loves men just as much.” Neith couldn't help but make a joke about him most likely being bi, she just wanted to see the mandatory gay ship to sail but there was only one gay guy and this was the only possibly bi-curious guy. Even though he seemed generally discomforted when Neith made the comment, she knew that it was for the greater good. Mercury gave a final thumbs up before rushing off stage over to the door. The eighth contestant was one of the manliest women Neith had ever seen and she was quite obviously the gayest of gays that ever gayed. The contestant walked over to the stage and probably turned a few of the girls in the crowd gay while doing so. 

 

“Our eighth contestant is Nike. She will do anything in her power to win, which could help her or be her downfall.” Neith said the second sentence with more enthusiasm than she has for most things and tried to make Nike sound more interesting because honestly she was currently one of the more boring contestants. And boring is not too great for the ratings. Nike winked at one of the girls in the crowd before heading off stage to join the rest of the waiting, eager contestants. The next contestant took a while to actually get onto the stage because she was too busy fixing her hair and her clothes and checking if her makeup was alright. When she actually did get into the stage, she walked like she literally thought she was queen of the world. The crowd cheered for her, unlike they did for the other contestant that thought she was top shit. 

 

“Our next contestant is Serqet, who honestly doesn't care about the prize and just wants to be on live tv and have her pictures everywhere.” Neith introduced the slightly egotistical contestant as she did various poses and smiled at the cheering crowd. She said something about signing autographs after she gets out of the house. The crowd was completely eating up everything she said and did. She seemed like she was going to be able to manipulate the people in the house to do whatever she wanted. But then she decided that her time in the spotlight was done for right now and she walked over to the door, the next contestant walked up. Honestly he just looked like some stoner who just walked up on the stage. 

 

“This is Susano, our tenth contestant. Don't be fooled by his friendly look, his man bun holds many secrets and he's not afraid to use your secret against you.” Neith said, wondering how many joints he was smuggling in using his man bun. He honestly was the mandatory stoner guy for this season, otherwise he probably wouldn't have been put in this season. He gave a high-looking smile at the crowd then walked over to the door. Neith was lowkey wishing the stoner would come back when the most asshole looking guy walked up to the stage like he thought he was hot shit. 

 

“Our next contestant, Tyr, spends his free time working out, making fun of people who aren't exactly like him, and harassing women in the streets.” Neith tried not to cringe just based off of the looks of Tyr. His overpowering smell of fuckboy was another thing to try not to cringe at. Neith at this point was not going to hide her surprising savageness. The walking protein shake that she was talking about glared at her when she made her snarky remark but she just waited for him to get off the stage and for the last contestant to walk up to the stage. As soon as he stepped onto the stage, Neith wanted to get the introductions over with and wanted to actually get the contestants into the house. “Our last contestant is Ullr. Ok everyone get to the door, we’re about to let you into the house.” 

 

The contestants gathered around the door as Neith slowly creaked the handle, pushing the door open slightly. Neith noticed that Nike was holding all twelve of Serqet’s bags and smiling while doing so. The contestants lowly filled in one by one. Neith sighs and whispers to herself “I hope no one dies this time..”


	2. Alliances forming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone forms their alliances. Bastet had a group of douchebag guys wrapped around her finger. Chang'e has contruscted her possey. And Susano's trusts his group enough to show them where he's going to hide his stash.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so my friend wrote this part, which is why it's not my writing style at all. So enjoy this shit show.

The inside of the Big Brother house was nothing like anyone expected. The house was full of ugly looking couches along with many breakable trinkets from Pier One Imports™. Every room seemed to have a different tacky theme going on, the living room looked like a club dance floor, the kitchen bared some slight resemblances to a meth lab and the bedrooms all resembled lavish jail cells. Just as the contestants were looking around there was an announcement made over the loud speaker

"Gods and Godesses, welcome to the Big Brother house, here is where you will make new friends, form alliances, and even make some enemies..." everyone quickly glanced at Bastet who was admiring her mediocre nails. The announcer continued, "For now take some time to look around the house, soon you will all be participating in your first challenge!" The loudspeaker turned off as the contestants began to wander about their new home.

Bastet decided to waste no time and to start building an alliance to keep her in the game. She figured they would try to vote the prettiest girl out as soon as possible, so without making a scene she politely asked Tyr, Hercules and Ullr to come over and talk to her. "Ok, straight up, you three are the hottest guys here and I think we should make an alliance" said Bastet. "What do we get out of it?" Asked Tyr, "duh, it's an alliance" Bastet said, rolling her eyes "it means we keep each other in the game as long as possible" she explained. "Yeah, I guess it's a pretty good idea" said Hercules nodding, Ullr nodded as well in agreement. "So we're settled? We're in an alliance now?" Asked Bastet, everyone just nodded in agreement.

Meanwhile as Apollo was checking out Mercury, Chang'e walked over with Izanami and Hel. "We have a problem, it hasn't even been 5 minutes and Bastet already has 3 guys under her control. We are going to need to team up if we're going to beat her and send her back to the alley she crawled out of" Chang'e started. "Hehe... alley cat... that was a good one" Izanami chuckled quietly in a rather demonic meaner. "But you make a good point" she continued. "Don't worry guys! We're going to win!" Hel said in a squeaky enthusiastic voice. "Oh my, you're voice is extremely annoying, I think I already hate you" Chang'e said as she fed her rabbit. "Fine I'll join you guys on one condition, that we get Mercury on our team too." Apollo stated, "fine, bring him here" Izanami said in an extremely unimpressed tone. As Apollo went over to get Mercury, Hel gave a happy sigh to herself, "ah, I love gay people", "this gay ship has indeed set sail" Chang'e agreed. As Apollo came back with Mercury, Mercury listened to their plan to team up and responded with a simply "ok". "Perfect!" Said Hel, "remember guys, we are in this and we are going to stay in this as long as we stay together, I really believe in you guys and I know there's something special about you that will help us win! Let's get to work guys!" Hel seemed pretty impressed either her small speech that she was too busy congratulating herself to notice that Chang'e was whispering to the rest of the group "yeah, she's got to go", "oh definitely" the group agreed.

Meanwhile in the house Nike, Serqet and Susano were in the midst of a conversation. "So, um, hey" said Nike looking at Serqet, "hey yourself" Serqet said giving Nike a sexual stare. Nike moaned quietly. "So, do you guys want to team up or something?" Susano asked "I mean, I'm pretty sure everyone else is gonna team up, so why don't we?" Nike was too busy trying to get a good view of Serqet's butt to answer, "Why not?" Serqet answered, Nike nodded, still trying to get a good view of Serqet. "Since we're friends now, I'll tell you where I plan on keeping my secret stash" Susano told Nike and Serqet as he lead them into the kitchen.

Suddenly another announcement was coming over the loudspeaker. "Attention contestants! You will now be participating in your first challenge this season, please meet in the challenge room and you will receive further instructions." The contestants made there way into a room labelled as the challenge room.

"Welcome to your first challenge"


End file.
